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There
are a few isolated slappies like myself, but women really make
erotica go round. They write it, they buy it, they read it. I tend to
get along much better with women. It’s not a sexual thing. It’s more
because most dudes are fake, sensitive pussies who’re always
acting cool, but when the time comes to show and prove, they wither
at the first sign of moisture. So guys generally annoy me, but going
back a long time, I’ve been able to kick it with women on a friendly
level about anything under the sun – all without ulterior motives
or wanting to fuck their brains out. Women talk to me all the time,
so I listen and engage them in conversation.

So
why do I connect so well with women? It’s because I understand them.
I know what makes them tick. In fact, I know why they’re crazy. And
they are crazy. Every last one of them. I’ve even outlined 7 reasons
why.

1.
They’re Highly Sought After Commodities

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Since
middle school – or since they had boobs – women have had to deal
with the gift and the curse of attracting the male species by nature.
It’s all good when they’re getting passed love notes, whistled at,
free drinks, flowers, and big tips. The game gets a lot more perplexing when they’re ready to love and be loved, but can’t
distinguish the guy who genuinely likes them for the smart, funny,
caring person they are, from the sleaze ball who simply wants to
taste their pudding pop. This conundrum leads to major trust
issues and fuels the crazy fire that burns deep inside of them –
whether they’re taken or on the market.

2.
They Carry Excess Luggage

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Sure,
those mountainous melons and juicy round booty look visually
appealing, but can you imagine having to haul all that around? Well
females have to manage this task on a daily basis, and the more you
got, the greater the struggle. It’s a bitch, and leads into the next
crazy factor …

3.
They Have “HAS”

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“Don’t
get your panties in a bunch!” This phrase must’ve been coined by a
man because all women know what an unstoppable force the wedgie truly
is. I’ve studied this subject extensively and learned that women are
locked in a fierce battle with Hungry Ass Syndrome as gravity causes
their bum to suck up everything in its path. Look over there at the
chick in the yoga pants. Pull up that girl’s skirt in front of you and
I bet your bottom dollar that her panties are twisted ten ways in her ass.
Simply having to de-wedge 200 times a day is enough to drive any girl
crazy. I ain’t complaining. I’m just saying. 

MORE PROOF …

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4.
They Have Strong Emotions

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Girls
think babies are cute when they really look like miniature old
people. They find animals adorable when they really look like what
real aliens probably look like. They wanna have babies. They wanna
get married. They think they need friends. They like cheesy romantic
comedies and reality shows. They worry about their asses being fat
when it’s already been established that a “phat” ass is a good
thing. This odd behavior can only be chalked up to one thing –
emotions. Women are madly emotional. And it’s one of the biggest
reasons they’re crazy as hell.

5.
They’re Haters By Nature

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The
great Jerry “The King” Lawler once said that all women secretly
hate each other. Now while that statement is probably as ridiculous
as this entire post, there is some truth to it. The typical gal
hates 50 to 70% of the women at her job and thinks negatively of
other women she meets – sometimes before she even meets them. Women
are even disrespectful to their friends like it’s nothing. “What’s
up hoe.” “Pass me the salt skank.” “Ooooh, you’re a whore,
but I love you though.” Yeah, they’re cool, and they got real love
for each other, but at the core, there is deep-rooted animosity they
couldn’t shake if they wanted to.

6.
They’re Selfish

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We
are all self-centered to a degree, but women take the cake – I mean
literally. Like they can eat the whole cake and you’ll be lucky to
even get a sliver. Whether it’s food or those stops at the candy shop
they house along their bodies, women are extremely stingy and have to
constantly be reminded why they need to share. Because if you’re not
on your game, you won’t get no cake or no candy.

7.
They’re Made That Way

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Women
bleed. They drop 10-pound, rock-head babies out of their slots. Then
they eventually stop bleeding and break out into hot flashes for no
reason other than being wired all screwy. This kinda stuff speaks for
itself, so I shall say no more.

All
bullshit aside, I have all the respect in the world for women and all
the maddening things they have to put up with on a regular basis –
things I can’t even imagine dealing with. It’s no wonder they’re
crazy!  

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