I often have this conversation in the horror community … well it’s usually just me
mentioning it and no one responding to it. Any way, I just don’t
think quote on quote “scary movies” are actually scary. Sure, as
a kid, Freddy, Jason, and Mike scared the shit out of me. But once I
entered my teenage years, these movies became campy, cheesy, comedic
gold. I mean my little sisters and cousins watched this shit like
Sesame St., so they were probably even less phased than I was. Crazy
little fuckers.

All that said, there’s still one thing
that creeps mature adult me out to this day … DOOM. Developed by id
software and released in 1993, DOOM took computer-based gaming to a
whole new level of immersion. Strap up, turn out the lights, and
prepare to send your heart-rate through the roof as you blast your
way through demon-infested space stations, ridiculous arsenal in tow,
in search of a truth that only gets grimmer the further you progress.
This game was LOADS of fun. So much that my Dad used to skip out on
work to log hours on it. Put the whole family’s livelihood in
jeopardy just to play DOOM. 🤔😬

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The concept of DOOM was so dope it just
had to be spun into a movie. And in 2005, fans of the franchise got
their wish with a feature film based on the classic sci-fi horror
game. Unfortunately, DOOM  was a dud, a box office bomb panned by
critics and fans alike. I honestly didn’t think it was ‘that’ bad. I
mean it had the Rock. He knew his role. But while the Rock wins at
everything, not even the Great One could stop this movie for sinking
into irredeemable fuckery the further it ventured. What started out
as a decent flick was marred by terrible pacing, poorly animated
monsters and cheesy action sequences framed in first-person shooter
style. We get it, you’re paying homage to the game, but that shit
just wouldn’t work for any movie made after 1995.

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Fast forward to October 2019, we
finally get a do-over in a highly anticipated DOOM reboot. Seems the remakers knew
their role this time around, because DOOM: Annihilation was a
straight to DVD release made on a substantially smaller budget. Also seems those efforts didn’t impress critics all that much,
because the reboot was negatively received as well. Similar to the movie
that preceded it, Annihilation follows a team of Marines who are sent
to investigate the strange happenings at the UAC base stationed on
Phobos. Shit eventually hits the fan as the crew is attacked by
facility members turned zombies and sinister ulterior motives are
revealed.

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I actually thought this was a pretty
fun movie. The reboot benefited from updated technology as the
creatures were much more fierce and realistic … as much as monsters
that don’t actually exist can be, I reckon. Took a while to get
there, but once things got going, the action was hard and heavy all
the way through the final teleport. While I ultimately enjoyed the
movie, I thought it was another missed opportunity. The imps were
cool, but aside from the zombie staff members, they were the only
DOOM monsters we got. I also feel it didn’t explore enough of the
story, thus a lot of it felt like rushed fan service. The DOOM lore
is fairly extensive, so it would probably be better told in a 10 to
12-episode series. Just hard to cram all that shit in a 96-minute
movie.  

Of course there are modern DOOM games,
which I’ve yet to play, but the original DOS-based shooter will
always be near and dear to my black heart. Sure the graphics are
outdated as fuck and the controls are hella clunky nowadays, but it’s
just as fun as it has ever been. So every now and then, when I’m
feeling dark and twisted, I’ll turn out the lights, grab the
controller and fire up Ultimate Doom, hoping my wife doesn’t creep up
trying to be funny while I’m purposely scaring the shit out of
myself.  

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