I’m a fairly old school dude. Unlike people who shall remain nameless (ahem, Jimmy O'shea Chase), I at least try to give these millennial trends a chance before summing ‘em up as suck. Still, my track record with new shit isn’t very good. This spans from movies to music … by God a lot of this newish music just fuckin’ blows. With that in mind, I was very apprehensive about giving Fear Town USA the old gander. I skipped over it several times because it just sounded like one of those Kings of Horror flicks, which are flat out terrible more often than not. And when I learned it was a horror-comedy, I was even more iffy, because comedy is highly subjective. But OHH boy was I trippin’ because as the kids say, this movie is the tits! Fear Town USA takes on the dubious challenge of trying to wrap a multitude of core plots into one story. We’ve got the four virgin nerds on a mission to finally score some sex, in addition...
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Rocktober Blood has the distinction of being a movie that doesn’t waste time explaining why, how, or at times, what the fuck is even happening. It’s like the director went in thinking “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it, damnit!” Unfortunately, the narrative they’re so intent on pushing fell terrifyingly flat. This movie has no gore, no great kills, no interesting characters and an overplus of nude scenes featuring the skinny ass final girl chick. I mean she was decent, but not to be spotlighting like that.I’m kinda disappointed, honestly. I recently saw a movie that appeared to have a similar plot (it was much better!) And since it is October, 31 days of whateva and all, I figure I’d give this one a try. I knew it was gonna suck. But I was at least hoping some 80’s cheese could make it fun. Deliver a few giggles. So bad it’s good kinda thing, you know? No haps. Fuckin’ terrible. On the bright side, since I am bursting with the power of positivity,...
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Freddy’s Gay!?

I’m not shy in expressing my love for Freddy Krueger. I love everything about him. The character. The concept. The movies, in spite of their extra thick cheesiness, are all great IMO. I even wrote a screenplay prequel of Freddy’s origins with the aid of my homeboy Jimmy. The most epic story you never heard. And of course Fred topped out my list in the Four Horsemen of Death, our most popular day of horror, thank you. I’ve seen every Freddy flick countless times, but it wasn’t until nearly 30 years later that I noticed some glaring themes poking out of one particular entry. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge will be remembered for two things: that chilling opening scene on the school bus, and being one of the gayest horror movies in history. Picking up on just how fuckin’ hilarious the shit was all these years later, I do some research and run across articles such as How a Nightmare on Elm Street 2 Became an Iconic Gay Horror Film (after years...
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Vampires, Bitch!

I think most horror fans would agree that vampires are the coolest of so-called movie monsters. They boast superhuman strength. They travel with the greatest of ease. They’re rockstars in the sack. And they ooze so much machismo, that they can glamour a bitch out of her social security number and Facebook login just like that. Plus, the most historically known vampire is named after me. Just saying. In the film world, vampire movies are hit or miss. And considering how many movies suck nowadays, that’s definitely a good thing. Cause it’s like a 50/50 chance that you’ll run across something decent. Seriously, there are a lot of quality vampire flicks out here from so many eras, too. My first love was The Lost Boys. Probably in my Top 10 All-time Favorite movies. Vampires just don’t get any cooler than David and the boys.Ohhh … also can’t forget Vamp, which I saw when I was probably too young to be watching it. Even back then, I could tell that this movie set out...
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I don’t care if you watch pro wrestling or not … when you hear the word “undertaker”, there’s one man who comes to mind: Mark Lamont Calaway, better known to wrestling nerds as The Dead Man. While the man from the darkest parts of kayfabe’s Death Valley virtually owns the name, I’d contend that another fictional character not only beat him to the punch, but arguably did the role even better. I’m talking about Uncle Roscoe, played by Joe Spinell in the 1988 horror movie classic The Undertaker. Honestly, I’d never heard of this movie until recently. But I’m glad I did, because it was pretty damn solid and got me thinking about the potential of a movie based on WWE’s phenom. Hey, it could totally happen! One day. ...
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Strippers. Porn stars. They have a lot in common. For example, both have high earning potential working in fields where they’re widely viewed as the scourge of the entertainment industry. There’s even some crossover as strippers often venture over to porn while porn stars are increasingly lighting up the stage in strip club settings. Probably stirring up all kinda Haterade in the process. Another shared commonality is serving as prime inspirational fodder for ultra low-budget horror movies. That’s actually not the worst thing, though. Whether it’s strippers saving the world from zombies, or porn stars being stalked by vengeful pimps on bath salt, these flicks are usually, at the very least, redeemable by a barrage of blood, boobs, and butts. Fitting snug in that so bad they’re highly entertaining category. After weighing my viewing of Strip Club Massacre and Porn Shoot Massacre against years of personally collected data, I came to one stunning conclusion: if shit really hit the fan, and you had to put money on who would nut up the hardest, or come...
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Demon Cop vs. PMS Cop When it comes to hard to kill homicidal policemen in the horror genre, two names tend to come to mind: Maniac Cop and Psycho Cop. Seems like the same idea, but each character truly puts his own fun and unique twist on the rogue officer narrative. Two supernatural one times that aren’t so fun are Demon Cop and PMS Cop. The titular characters sound interesting enough on paper, but when executed in a film, they don’t jump off the screen very well … well, at least not in these iterations.Demon Cop is probably the most promising … on paper. Eddie is an escaped mental patient as well a former cop who became a probation officer after being wounded in a drive-by shooting. Nigga is just destined to be an enforcer of the law. SMH. On the real, he wants to make a difference in the hood, and even mentors gang bangers in attempt to help them get their lives together. Yes, this movie is set in an “urban”...
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