I don’t care if you watch pro wrestling or not … when you hear the word “undertaker”, there’s one man who comes to mind: Mark Lamont Calaway, better known to wrestling nerds as The Dead Man. While the man from the darkest parts of kayfabe’s Death Valley virtually owns the name, I’d contend that another fictional character not only beat him to the punch, but arguably did the role even better. I’m talking about Uncle Roscoe, played by Joe Spinell in the 1988 horror movie classic The Undertaker. Honestly, I’d never heard of this movie until recently. But I’m glad I did, because it was pretty damn solid and got me thinking about the potential of a movie based on WWE’s phenom. Hey, it could totally happen! One day. ...
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Strippers. Porn stars. They have a lot in common. For example, both have high earning potential working in fields where they’re widely viewed as the scourge of the entertainment industry. There’s even some crossover as strippers often venture over to porn while porn stars are increasingly lighting up the stage in strip club settings. Probably stirring up all kinda Haterade in the process. Another shared commonality is serving as prime inspirational fodder for ultra low-budget horror movies. That’s actually not the worst thing, though. Whether it’s strippers saving the world from zombies, or porn stars being stalked by vengeful pimps on bath salt, these flicks are usually, at the very least, redeemable by a barrage of blood, boobs, and butts. Fitting snug in that so bad they’re highly entertaining category. After weighing my viewing of Strip Club Massacre and Porn Shoot Massacre against years of personally collected data, I came to one stunning conclusion: if shit really hit the fan, and you had to put money on who would nut up the hardest, or come...
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