I don’t care if you watch pro wrestling
or not … when you hear the word “undertaker”, there’s one man
who comes to mind: Mark Lamont Calaway, better known to wrestling
nerds as The Dead Man. While the man from the darkest parts of kayfabe’s Death Valley
virtually owns the name, I’d contend that another fictional character
not only beat him to the punch, but arguably did the role even
better. I’m talking about Uncle Roscoe, played by Joe Spinell in the
1988 horror movie classic The Undertaker.
Honestly, I’d never heard of this movie
until recently. But I’m glad I did, because it was pretty damn solid
and got me thinking about the potential of a movie based on WWE’s
phenom. Hey, it could totally happen! One day.
...
Strippers. Porn stars. They have a lot
in common. For example, both have high earning potential working in
fields where they’re widely viewed as the scourge of the
entertainment industry. There’s even some crossover as strippers
often venture over to porn while porn stars are increasingly lighting
up the stage in strip club settings. Probably stirring up all kinda
Haterade in the process. Another shared commonality is serving as
prime inspirational fodder for ultra low-budget horror movies. That’s
actually not the worst thing, though. Whether it’s strippers saving the world
from zombies, or porn stars being stalked by vengeful pimps on bath
salt, these flicks are usually, at the very least, redeemable by a barrage of blood, boobs, and butts. Fitting snug in that so bad they’re highly entertaining category.
After weighing my viewing of Strip Club
Massacre and Porn Shoot Massacre against years of personally
collected data, I came to one stunning conclusion: if shit really hit
the fan, and you had to put money on who would nut up the hardest, or
come...