To paraphrase a line from the great
James Jermaine Dillon: “Death is forever, and so is the Horsemen.”
From nameless demons to fleshed out characters with compelling
backstories, horror movie history is packed with a number of
memorable antagonists. That’s why it’s so amazing that a mere four
characters manage to stick out as avatars for the entire genre.
Yep. If there were ever a Mt. Rushmore of Horror, these four legends
would be front and center.
He is: Head Cenobite In Charge
What he does: Torture suckas who open
the box with his sinister brand of pleasure and pain … mostly pain.
Favorite quote: “Your flesh is
killing your spirit.”
Why he rules: A philosophical master of word play and
a freak who’ll “tear you apart” between the sheets, Pinhead is
easily the poster boy of the Hellraiser franchise … even though he
isn’t necessarily its primary antagonist. Dude is only limited by his hellish imagination, so kill for kill, I’d take him
in a one-on-one against any horror movie heavyweight.
He is: The Shape
What he does: Get all pissy about his
family every Halloween.
Favorite quote: “Hi, I’m Michael
Myers.” (Rob Zombie 🤭)
Why he rules: When it comes to horror
movie icons, Mike Myers is the godfather … hands down. He is the
embodiment of pure evil who inspired countless genre copycats and spooked
generations of viewers. No matter how convoluted the lore may have
gotten over the years, Mr. Meyers personally never failed to
disappoint with his remarkable stealth mode and no-nonsense approach to
managing Haddonfield’s population control program.
He is: Mommy’s Little Boy
What he does: Camp out at Crystal Lake
with a vengenence.
Favorite quote: “Kill her Mommy!”
Why he rules: While Halloween came
first, not even ole Mikey can compare to the sheer brutality Jason
brings to the table. Since taking the baton from Moms in Friday the
13th Part Two, Crystal Lake’s most well known resident has
continued to bring the pain by racking up the biggest kill count in
horror movie history. Sure, quality is suspect in some of the Friday flicks,
but not even a slim budget or a piss-poor script ever stopped Jason
from leaving a terrifying impression.
He is: Elm Street’s worst nightmare
What he does: Give bitches wet dreams
Favorite quote: “If the food don’t
kill ya, the service will.”
Why he rules: I may be too cool to be
scared these days, but no matter how old or cold I get, the concept
of Freddy Krueger will always be scary as fuck. After all, sleep is
our most vulnerable state. Anyone can just walk up and take you out the
game and you literally would never see it coming. This sense of
vulnerability crosses over into the dream world, where we are at the
mercy of whatever horrors our twisted minds conjure up. I can’t count
the times where I could actually feel myself, trying to wake myself
from tragic dreams, and the terror I experienced while failing to do
so. Add a sick bastard like Freddy to that helplessness, and the
thought can still freak me out to this day.
Like any horror franchise with more
than a handful of sequels, A Nightmare on Elm Street has certainly
seen its ups and downs. However, every last entry is oodles of fun
(except that dull ass remake), all thanks to the stylin’ and pedophilin’, slicin’ and dicin’,
throat slashin’, young bitch smashin’, crispy and original, Frederick
Charles Krueger. Seriously. This dude is the Nature Boy Ric Flair of
horror movie icons, with just as many quotable lines. “Welcome to my